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Autumndaize.

Where it started.

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This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or 

autumn daize part 1. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

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A little about me-I am the author after all. My name is Allyson, but most call me Ally, and this is my very first blog-go easy on me ūüėČ

I bet your all wondering about the blog name, so I’ll explain-which should help give away my reason for starting this blog. Autumn is my favorite season for numerous reasons.  To name a few, leaf peeping, crisp air, pumpkins, Halloween, apple picking, my birthday, and when I conceived my beautiful son Jayden. Basically it’s the best season ever,  but I’m a bit bias.

The daize part, well daze was taken so I added the I, but otherwise daize (or daze for all you grammar police) is the perfect description of what my life has been the last 3 years. Hence the name of this blog. So much has happened that I figured it best to put words to paper-well internet paper to be exact. Hopefully my story, which is still being written,  will inspire, make you laugh, or just keep you from boredom.

Succumbing to the intense need to settle down and be a real adult, almost three years ago I started house hunting. In total the process took four months. Shortly before signing the paperwork, my boyfriend of eight years proposed. Talk about hectic. The next year was a whirlwind between being my best friend of nine years’ maid of honor, settling in our home, and planning my own wedding. If I took away one thing from this time it was to take time to enjoy your surroundings; the planning, relationships you build, the big day, everything.  It went by too fast.

Almost a year after I tied the knot, Jayden came along. I literally am just starting to breathe. Despite a terrible high risk pregnancy and a traumatic delivery,  in addition to bad PPD, three months have passed and I literally couldn’t be happier. Word of advice to expectant mommies-do not commit to a new job/promotion upon leave ending. Luckily I’m finally settling in but coming back from leave is hard enough, coming back from leave to a new job is almost impossible. I literally felt like I was trying to run up hill with 20 pound weights; I was so physically drained from training and so mentally overtired that I crashed hard.

I finally feel like I’m in a good spot with personal and professional life. My takeaway from my experiences of a new working mom are simple; Jayden won’t love me any less for supporting him. If anything he’ll love me more. I’m a badass supermom, and I’m living with no regrets.

Stay tuned.

Self care guide, for those who need it most.

I decided to write a list of what I have come up with so far for daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly self care.

Remember, you cannot care for others in the way that they need to be cared for if you don’t first care for yourself.

1. Emotional self-care: the art of talking to yourself.

Not all instances of talking to yourself will end up with you in a straight jacket in the looney bin. Talking to ourselves is human nature and very common amongst the general population. We do it at work, at home, in the grocery store- just about anywhere. Sometimes we recite “To do” lists, other times we use our car as a sounding board for new ideas. Sometimes what helps set the bar for personal goals and self-care can simply be reminding ourselves of the things that we need to work on the most, whether it is for us to emotionally feel better about a situation or improve our emotional/mental health overall. Below are a list of sayings that provide me with positive reinforcement towards optimal emotional and mental health. Feel free to use any in your daily lives that may help you achieve success in this part of your self care routine.

  • There is no “I can’t” but there is an “I won’t“; intrusive thoughts on whats to possibly come that could negatively affect our lives can sometimes consume us. The minute one bad thing happens in our lives anxiety starts to pour into our mind and all we can think about is what’s going to happen next. Instead of saying you can’t do something, change your perception. Say you won’t let these intrusive thoughts come in and you won’t think about what negative event is going to come next. Push these thoughts aside and focus on all the positives in your life: your family, health, friends-whatever positives there are.
  • Tell yourself to never give up. Whether it be a new sport, school work, or something else that requires your efforts- always tell yourself you will not give up. The easiest thing you can do is give up. Breathe. Take several seconds and clear your mind. Tell yourself that you will succeed, no matter the task. And if you don’t succeed the first time pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you will try again.
  • Tell yourself how strong you are. Everyone needs to hear how strong they are sometimes. Tell yourself this on a daily basis if need be, and believe it. Because you are strong. And telling yourself as a reminder on a daily basis will help you believe that. Every time I feel weak like the world is crashing down around me I tell myself how strong I am and I instantly feel better. Try it when you’re feeling good or when you’re feeling bad. Try it whenever you want – we all need a little confidence boost sometimes. You ARE strong, no matter how weak you may feel.
  • The last thing that I tell myself is that I am beautiful and amazing and I¬†love myself just the way I am. As much as I have flaws just like the next person, you can’t learn to adapt and fix those flaws if you don’t love yourself first. Love yourself through the bad times and the good times and know that you’re amazing no matter what. Internal beauty is just as important if not more important than external. Give yourself credit for how amazing you are no matter what happens. The moment we stop loving ourselves is¬†the moment when self care ultimately goes out the window. One of the biggest steps to emotional self-care is learning to love ourselves through our faults and through good times and bad. Loving yourself will go such a long way and it’s something that should be done daily, so try it. I promise you, you won’t regret it!

2. Physical self care, because well, It makes us feel pretty (or handsome!) and it makes us feel so good about ourselves!

Like a princess making her grand entrance into a ball, we all love fairytale moments. Moments where we can be confident and feel beautiful, not just on the inside but on the outside as well. Moments where we can say to the world “Hey! I am here and I am beautiful and I feel beautiful!” These self care steps below have recently helped me feel better about myself during a time when I have truly let myself go physically. A time that has been so stressful and heartbreaking that I literally make excuses to just “show up” lacking even the barest essential self care routine these is. Please use any of these that may help, and share them for others that need some help with their self care as well!

  • Eating healthy: eating healthy is so good for the mind, body, and spirit. Being someone who is dealing with diabetes, I have had to eat healthier recently and It has made a huge impact on my life. I feel better, with more and more energy. I also feel better confidence wise knowing I am loosing weight. Check out my blog for some yummy healthy-and inexpensive-recipes!
  • Walking: Walking is great to help loose weight, but it also has made me¬†happier with my body. I have so many body image issues and loosing weight has been tough. Walking helps me loose the lbs and feel more energetic and alive! Especially with the warmer weather-walking can¬†add emotional and physical benefits to your everyday life.
  • Shaving/waxing/plucking: all of these self grooming routines are helpful in making one “feel” better. I can tell you first hand, even just shaving my legs made me feel like a new woman!
  • Dressing up, or down! Dressing up makes us feel like we are on top of the world. Sometimes it can improve our confidence, and most times our mood. Similarly, dressing down and relaxing with some of our day to day dressing routines can feel freeing and relax ones mood and body. I know I feel great throwing on some old sweats and lounging,¬†just as I do dressing to the nines.
  • Paint your nails: painting your nails is one of those things that makes all women feel¬†warm and fuzzy. It makes us¬†not just feel pretty, but empowered and filled with confidence. Whether yellow, red, or blue, or fun designs galore – make this fun and easy activity a part of your weekly routine.
  • Take a bath: Baths are ah-ma-zinggggg! I love soaking in a nice warm bath with a glass of wine and candles. Treat yourself to this luxury at least once a week – it will help calm your nerves and your body and make you feel sooooo much better!
  • Read a book: Reading can help you relax mentally and physically. It is a great way to just take your mind and body out of the real world and place it in another. Sometimes that’s all we need to brighten our day!
  • Make a to do list: setting goals can significantly improve your mood, and help you prioritize tasks in your life. When I have a to do list I feel more in control of my life, more balanced, and more confident that the tasks at hand will get done.

These are just SOME of the ways I go about self care. Everyone has their own idea of what caring for oneself consists of. Feel free to use any that may help!

P.S.

For todays self care I decided to wear my hair down and let it air dry. Not a huge self care routine, but one that made me feel pretty, confident, and on top of the world! The smile should say it all =)

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Self care, when it is hard to care about yourself.

The one constant in my life lately has been family and friends.

Throughout all of Jayden’s frustrating and heartbreaking medical issues (of which we are still¬†unsure of a diagnosis).

Throughout my career being increasingly stressful and taking up too much family time.

Throughout my heartbreaking loss last week, which is still so fresh.

Throughout my own health issues that have significantly increased my anxiety.

Throughout it all, my family and friends have remained the one thing that seemed to cheer me up in my darkest hours and seemingly the most stressful times of my life so far this year.

Until I shaved yesterday. You heard that right. I shaved my legs.

I didn’t just shave the bottoms where my hair may show by my ankles.

I SHAVED MY WHOLE LEG. BOTH OF THEM.

I can just hear the chuckles now. Why would something so simple, and really meaningless, cheer me up?

Because the one constant in my life that I have failed on a daily basis is self care-because it has been hard through all of my ups, and my many many downs, to care about myself.

I have admittedly “let myself go”, both emotionally and physically.

I have used alllllll of the excuses I can think of to avoid caring for myself in the ways which I need to be and deserve to be cared for.

Im too tired.

I have no one to hold me accountable so its been too hard to push myself.

The baby is sick.

The dog is sick.

Work is too busy.

Parents and non parents alike- I am sure you can relate.

Often, in times of stress or struggle, the last thing we do is care for ourselves. Even the most basic of human occurrences, like self grooming, seem too trivial to us to do when our world may be falling apart.

After hitting rock bottom myself the last couple of months, I can attest first hand that “letting myself go” has impacted both my emotional and physical health, my relationship with family and friends, and my husband, and now I am paying the price.

So instead of wallowing in my sorrow and continuing down my own path of self destruction and unhealthy living, I decided to take time each day to provide myself the self care I need and deserve. I even bought tweezers to clean up the mess that is my eyebrows that haven’t been touched – wait for it – for almost 2 years.

Please take my words and use them to help yourself. They could save your marriage. They could make you more emotionally and physically available to your family, your children, and your friends. But most of all, they could help you finally see that YOU are worth it, and you deserve to feel good about yourself everyday, all day.

Please don’t make excuses to avoid self care – I know its difficult to provide self care when its so hard to care about yourself.

Sure, putting others’ care first is a noble behavior, but at the risk of becoming unhealthy physically and emotionally-is it worth it?

You have too many people that love you and depend on you-but if you cannot be there to help them because you couldn’t care for yourself, what’s the point?

Family and friends will be there for you-no matter what. Your one constant should be YOU. Because when you care for YOU, you can care for others-and in general you will feel so much better about yourself.

Even the simple act of shaving my legs and buying tweezers has made me feel so much better about myself!

So when it comes to Self care, EVEN when it is hard to care about yourself-do it. For your family, for your friends, but most of all, for YOU.

**To help you get started on your daily self care list, I have created a generic one in my next blog post-feel free to use these ideas for yourself. I will include ideas that I have started trying and ideas that I think are beneficial for daily use.**

 

 

 

What keeps me going.

What keeps any one going after a hard time in their life or a loss of a loved one or baby?

It’s hard to hear you need to keep going – you need to live your life – when the only thing you want to do is cry in a corner.

For some people the grieving process includes crying in the corner.

For others it involves keeping busy and distracted.

I’m writing this blog post not just for those who have experienced miscarriage or loss, but for those in general who are struggling and going through a difficult time.

As much as I hate the terms “everything will be okay”, “everything will happen when the time is right”, and “you will get through this”, they are all so very true.

Sometimes the truth sucks. Sometimes the truth hurts.

But everything will be okay. And timing is everything; when the time is right what you wish to happen will happen. That is God’s plan for us. It is his purpose that everything happens for a reason. Whether you’re religious or not everything does happen for a reason. And you will get through this, just like I will.

Obviously I still have my bad days, but I lean on my friends and family for the support I need when I need it – and they have been incredible.

Specifically in my case with miscarriage, many who experience it are ashamed to talk about it. They believe that they will get ridiculed for grieving over something that only lived for a short amount of time inside of them.

But that’s bullshit. As mothers, whether first time or fourth time, the minute we see that second line on a pregnancy test there is an instant love we feel for our growing baby. No matter how long the pregnancy lasted, losing it is heartbreaking. The dreams and anticipation of your little one coming is snatched right from under you the minute you find out there’s no more baby. It is a terrifying and heartbreaking feeling that I do not wish upon anyone.

As I’ve said so many times before, everybody deals with things that go wrong in their lives different ways. What keeps me going may not keep you going. Part of my healing process is listing out what keeps me going and re-reading that list everytime I feel like I want to give up.

So what keeps me going?

When my son growls and makes his funny noises and I can’t help but laugh at how goofy he is becoming.

When my employees are doing so well and I can give myself a pat on the back for being their leader.

When I think about how excited I am to find our forever home in a couple of months and allow someone the opportunity to buy the home we became a family in.

My animals, all of them. Animals are therapy for me just like writing.

And coffee. Because well, it’s coffee and sometimes I need it to function ūüėā

Whether your dealing with a miscarriage like me, or a loved one lost, or something else that has got you down- just remember that you are the captain of your own ship. You decide where it sails and where it stops. You decide how fast it goes or how slow it goes. Live the way you you wish to live and grieve the way you wish to grieve. But through it all remember that you will be okay, and you will get through this tough time – and years down the road all of this turmoil will seem like a distant memory and you will realize how much stronger it made you as a person ‚̧

Love to you all in your trying times ‚̧ just always remember how amazing you are!

The recovery.

Despite my emotional state right now, physically I am actually doing well.

There’s almost no pain, which has been a surprise for me. I expected to be doubled over in pain.

Though there is no pain, the bleeding and passing of “conception material” is heartbreaking, so while physically I am feeling OK, emotionally I am still a mess.

With these “symptoms”, every day I am reminded of what I lost. It is terrible, and honestly if I could go back and chose something to get this to happen quicker, I would.

It’s been 4 days and sometimes the bleeding is light, so I feel confident it is almost over. Then bam, its a murder scene again.

I find myself less emotional as days pass. I am back to planning my life: my sons activities, the sale of our home, the buying of a new home. I am working from home daily. I am doing whatever it takes to keep my mind busy and off of what my body is doing.

I still cry, but its just so random and different than what I thought my grief stages would be if miscarriage ever happened to me. It’s calm crying. And brief. Sometimes its during the day, and sometimes at night. Today I have made it to 3:10pm and not cried once!

Though Rob lost a baby too, he has been so much stronger than me. He has held me when I needed, said the words that I needed to hear, and been just so supportive.

My family and friends have been everything I could ask for and more when it comes to support.

I deactivated Facebook to avoid seeing my pregnant friends. I vented to friends who have been through this before, and cried to those who haven’t. I researched miscarriage extensively (I now feel like an expert (JOKING) and saw way too much on the subject matter LOL). I am recovering, in my own way, as most who have experienced these tragedies do.

I will get through this, and we will try again.

This experience has taught me so much more than I could have imagined. It has taught me how to be strong during a devastating time. It has shown me how grateful I should be for the support system that I have in my life. It has shown me how much my family and friends care about me. It has taught me to really put the full amount of effort into getting healthy.

I would never wish the pain of miscarriage on anyone, but as a now emotional (and physical) survivor of one-I will say that you WILL get through it. It may take days, weeks, months, or years. Whether you were 3 weeks, 5, 7, or 20. No family should ever have to experience miscarriage, but if by chance it happens, you WILL be OK.

I loved my growing baby, no matter how short the time was that¬†he or she was growing inside of¬†me. And I will love the next one, and if there is one after that (I hope!). Everything happens for a reason. Whether this happened due to my medical issues or for no reason-now maybe wasn’t my time, but next time maybe it will be.

Until then, I will recover physically and emotionally, and I will push forward. Because I am strong, and one day I will have my rainbow.

There’s no heartbeat. I am sorry, the baby is gone.

Those words replay through my mind all day, every day.

Those words can dampen even the brightest of days with intense sorrow.

I woke up Monday the 16th, excited to discuss the pregnancy plan and maybe get help for the anxiety I was feeling.

I went about my normal morning routine, shower, pee, brush teeth, dress baby. I also checked my toilet paper like a crazy person to ensure, as usual, that there was no blood. I saw none, and continued about my morning.

10 minutes after I got dressed and ready, I had a noticeable amount of cramping around my back area. I say noticeable because it wasn’t really even painful, just noticeable. I also *TMI* felt the need to go to the bathroom again, so went.

What I saw this time when I wiped would forever change me.

Instantly when I wiped I saw bright red blood, both in the toilet and on the toilet paper.

Rob was in the bathroom and immediately told me to calm down. I was crying, but calmly- surprisingly. I knew. I just knew it was over. I told Rob the baby was gone and I was miscarrying. He tried to calm me down, and told me it may not be that and I need to just stay calm. But I knew.

Weirdly enough, looking back I was way calmer than what my anxiety had told me I would be if this were to ever happen. I expected to be hysterical. I expected to scream and cry and loose my voice from crying. I expected so much more.

Maybe subconsciously I knew something was wrong and that’s why I was calm? Who knows. All I know is everyone grieves differently and sometimes our reactions to things are different than what we assume they will be.

Back to the story though, I grabbed my keys and told Rob I needed to know for sure and was going to the hospital and would update him.

On my short 7 minute drive to the hospital a million thoughts crossed my mind. What if it isn’t a miscarriage? Or what if I had twins and just lost one? What will happen at the hospital? Will I see my dead baby? How will I get through this? How will I ever be calm about getting pregnant now that this happened?

My brain was firing in so many different directions I felt nauseous.

I arrived at the hospital and thankfully no one was in the waiting room. I calmly said to the reception nurse “I think I am having a miscarriage”, as a single tear dropped down my cheek. Just hearing myself say those words stung.

The nurse took me back right away and I was put into a room right away.

Everyone who tended to me was so kind, yet so sad. Like they knew before even running tests that this was the end.

A doctor came in and explained what he would need to do to check viability. I’d seen him before. My thoughts raced from I can feel the blood coming out of me, to where have I seen this man before. My mind was a mess.

The doctor started the belly ultrasound and said in a hopeful tone “we cant see anything but it’s probably because your so early”. I knew that was false. I knew he was trying to protect my delicate feelings in my moment of sadness. Ultrasounds at 6 weeks you SHOULD be able to see at least something. So he did an internal exam. It was uncomfortable, emotionally, and physically. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull out what appeared to be fetal matter and several clots. That confirmed things for me. As he handed it to the nurse, he looked at her in this almost scared way. Like what do we say next to this poor woman who just lost her precious baby?

He then said that he believed the pregnancy wasn’t viable and that what he pulled out was part of the fetus. I knew that, I told him. It’s ok, I know the baby is gone. He told me I would need another ultrasound, just to triple check.

So off I was carted to ultrasound. Again they couldn’t see anything by normal ultrasound, so they opted for internal. I briefly recall the tech saying to me “once I find the heartbeat¬†I will turn the screen¬†for you¬†to see”. I replied, casually (which really surprised me) “you wont find one, the baby is gone”. Just like that. I felt like I was cold, uncaring, and unnaturally calm. Later, I would realize this was me being in shock.

After I went back into my room, the doctor, whom I was still trying to rack my brain about where I saw him before (maybe as a distraction?) came in and said they saw a yolk sac and major hemorrhaging around it. He then told me something that still, 4 days later, haunts me daily,¬†“there’s no heartbeat. I am sorry, the baby is gone.” By this time my mother was with me in my room. I, once again casually, replied “I know the baby is gone, I knew I miscarried before I was even seen”.

I don’t know why I felt the need to consistently tell the doctors and nurses what they and I already knew. Maybe it was my way to cope, or maybe I was just still in shock. Who knows.

All I know is I left the hospital a different person. I left a stronger person, whether I felt it or not.

On my drive home I kept thinking about why I didn’t have the pain people say you get with miscarriage, and how my numbers looked great just last week. I kept thinking about the doctor going over my “options”; I could do this naturally, medically, or surgically. I opted for naturally, which looking back is actually one of the hardest things emotionally I could have ever had to deal with.

I got to my house with the intent to get some work done (again as a distraction) and go to my parents and relax.

I couldn’t even go in. I literally sat in my driveway on my laptop, and in-between work emails cried.

I cried because I would never meet this unborn child. I cried because the blood and “products of conception” as they are so coldly called, were and would become a daily reminder of what was lost. I cried because I didn’t understand why I felt so calm when I was so much anxious before I even lost the baby. I cried that my husband lost his son or daughter and my son lost a sibling. I cried because, how could this happen? My insulin was under control, I took my vitamins, I ate well. I cried to cried. I cried to grieve. And after an hour of crying and work and work and crying-consecutively, I went to my parents were I met with Rob and my family. I needed the support; the hugs, the it’s ok, the it’ll be ok. I needed understanding, not necessarily with words but actions and interactions. I needed to grieve, and though I never have had this happen so had no idea how to react, I did what felt right and natural. I cried, I smiled at my silly son, I laughed at jokes, I cried some more, and I hugged. This is¬†how I cope. And how I would continue to cope for days and probably weeks to come¬†after losing my baby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second best day of my life.

Many aren’t aware, since we hadn’t publically announced yet, that hubby and I were expecting.

We had been struggling with some minor fertility issues due to my insulin resistance, for about 7 months. I started new medication in the beginning of March, and BAM! Instantly pregnant.

We were excited, but I was anxious right off the bat-maybe even more so than I was with Jayden.

We wanted kids close in age, so the pregnancy came as no shock since we had been actively tracking and not preventing whatsoever.

March 28th I was due for my period.

Similar to the last time I was pregnant, I had a hunch that morning that Aunt Flo’ wasn’t coming. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, so like last time, I took my basil temperature and prayed on it.

A few minutes passed and the thermometer beeped. 97.9. I knew from previous experience that a woman’s temperature usually plummets when Aunt Flo’ is making her lovely appearance. This temperature prompted me to take a cheapie internet test (as us in TTC call them).

I replayed in my head on my way to the bathroom how I would tell hubby. Should I surprise him? Yes, that would be so fun! But can I hold back and hide it?

I got my answer 5 minutes later when¬†a VVF line appeared on my test and I couldn’t resist yelling upstairs to Rob “We are pregnant!”.

Of course, he didn’t believe it. So I shoved the test in his face. “I can see it!” he replied, and even said it was more noticeable than my VVF with Jayden.

I pushed my excitement of pregnancy aside for the time being, and made my way to work.

All day I tried to ignore my feelings of excitement. It could have been a false positive after all, a dye run maybe. I didn’t want to be anxious this time. I wanted to be relaxed. It took us a bit with Jayden because of vitamin issues. It took even longer this time because of fertility issues due to blood sugar. No way was I going to let myself be anxious this time. I was going to stay relaxed and enjoy I told myself. Looking back, maybe subconsciously I knew something was wrong and was anxious for a reason.

I came home that day and sure enough, a first response picked up a darker line. I was cautiously optimistic. Rob was so excited, he even started sending me weekly “what does your baby look like” pictures. I later accused him lovingly of downloading a baby app – which I thought was adorable, but more of a “mom” thing LOL.

Fast forward a week, I was a mess. Literally. I was buying tests left and right (lesson learned why this is not good financially or emotionally). I became obsessed with peeing on sticks. Everyday I would compare the lines and frantically ask friends if they thought the progression was good.

Then I had my first blood draw. Which made me more nervous. Last time around I never got numbers, just that the draws looked good. Having numbers made my anxiety even worse!

I thought the numbers I heard were too low. The nurse assured me as long as they doubled in 48-72 hours that’s was good.

At 5w4d I had my second draw. I waited anxiously for 24 hours. When I received those numbers and saw that they’d tripled, I sighed with relief. Maybe things were fine. I don’t need to be this anxious, I told myself. My numbers were on track.

At 6w I had my third and final draw (I didn’t need a third, normally they do two. But, I was anxious so I just had to have it). My numbers once again looked great! I breathed another sigh of relief and told myself for my health as well as the baby I needed to calm down.

The week of my final draw, I tried my best not to POAS and obsess. My numbers were good. It doesn’t matter if I have no symptoms, not everyone gets them, regardless if they did the first time around. I found myself checking the toilet paper after I peed for blood. I even found myself making un-needed extra trips to do this. I don’t know, in retrospect, what it provided me. Maybe comfort? Maybe not seeing blood solidified things more?

I have never had a miscarriage, yet I was constantly thinking something would go wrong. Sure I felt anxious when I found out I was pregnant with Jayden. But this anxiety seemed so much worse. I tried so hard to calm down, but something just felt off. I am not superstitious at all-but Friday the 13th came and went and I was in the bathroom well over 15 times that day ensuring there was no blood. Nonetheless, I told myself I was causing these feelings for no reason and I should allow myself to be excited.

Monday April 16th came and it was an exciting day. I was almost 7w, and it was my first OB high risk appointment. There, me and my doctor were set to discuss the plan for this pregnancy and what we could to do to limit complications this time around. I was calmer than I have ever felt since finding out we were expecting. Turns out, I would never make it to that appointment.

 

***Please see next blog post for what happens next***

 

 

 

 

My beautiful and crazy life.

I haven’t written in so long, as you all have¬†probably noticed. Life has been a bit, well maybe more than a bit, crazy.

I figured I would update you all on my life. As crazy as its been.

Jayden’s medical complexities continue to plaque us. He is consistently sick, and lately has some symptoms that have pushed us to see a new specialist (GI). Through it all, he continues to teach me strength; he is still the happiest little boy ever. Even when sick, he still shows off his toothy smile!

Work has been, well work. Its been stressful and wonderful all in one. Some days I want to leave as soon as I arrive, while other days I wish I could stay longer. My staff is amazing. My boss is amazing. Location still isn’t ideal, but I have gotten used to it.

We have been trying to fix up the house in an attempt to sell at some point and buy our forever home. Its a mess. Literally. The floors are torn up, the pristine white cabinets are stained with debris from the floor being ripped up. My OCD is going bonkers as I mentally prepare myself daily to deal with the disaster that is my kitchen/hall/bathroom.

Every day, something personal or professional occurs that keeps us on our toes. And every day, I am thankful to come home to my wonderful husband and son, who make my life complete, despite the house disasters, stressful work situations, and complicated medical issues with my son.

Every day, I love my beautiful and crazy life.